you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
