A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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