apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
