My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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