Ketchup is God's man juice
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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