Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We are two peas in an std pod
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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