I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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