dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
