End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
