So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
