thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
