kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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