My hand turned me down
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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