do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
