I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
