Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
