how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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