I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need to calm my uterus...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
