We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
