I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
