Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize