i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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