So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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