About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
