so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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