dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
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i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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