I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
