Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
