Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
