I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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