Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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