I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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