Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
