I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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