How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he shaved USA in his pubs
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
