Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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