Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
