but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
