Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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