I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
