I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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