Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
