my sisters under your porch take her home
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
