He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
