There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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