So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
