I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
