so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
