I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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