you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
