Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
