i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
