Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My ass is underappreciated
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
