Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
