Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
