THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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