He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You need a sexual gate keeper
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
