Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
