btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
