So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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