Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
