I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
