There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
