Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
