the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
