I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
