the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
