I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
