I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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