Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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