Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The Olympian is in my bed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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