Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
