Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
