You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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