You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
