Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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