why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
