So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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