I love black thongs
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
