Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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