when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
