You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
