Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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