He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
