Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
