Pappa wants mamma naked
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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