my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
