one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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