so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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