two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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