My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
